What Rules Have You Broken or Wanted to Break?

I haven't broken hardly any rules, and there aren't many I'd like to break. Typically, I am and always have been the proverbial "good girl" type. But I was the type of good girl that did what Mama and Daddy said but somehow managed to break a few rules without getting caught.  A few examples (but keep in mind I was a "good girl" so I really didn't break many rules. Go ahead. Laugh. Everybody else does.):

--All girls, even the good girl types, date a guy that their parents absolutely hate. (Hey, every girl needs at least one bad boy!) I came from a home with very strict rules. So, myself only being 16 at the time (way back in 1992), dated this most hated guy anyway. The parents hated him upon site, but that could've likely been prevented had he not shown up with a motorcycle helmet under his arm and a Marlboro hanging out of the corner of his mouth and said, "Hey, dude, I'm here for your daughter," to my dad. To which Dad replied, "No you're not!" I saw him anyway but skipped school to do it. I'd hop off the school bus in the morning and run over to the convenience store across the road where he was parked, waiting for me. Sometimes I'd manage to check in homeroom, be counted present, and leave with books, sneak across the road, hop in his car, and leave. He'd always have me back in time to get back on the school bus to go home. The books looked like I'd actually been to school and had homework. I thought I was pretty slick. I must have been because I never got caught.

--Did the typical in college: drank, smoked weed, had sex, skipped class to drink, smoke weed, or have sex. Sometimes with a professor. There was one. Dr. H. I was 19, he was 59. And it was hot, despite the 40 year age difference.

--Had sex in public: in the public library, in the parking lot at a Shoney's, and in the parking lot of a church. Meh. No big deal.

See? I'm not a bad girl. That's the only really bad things I've actually done. But I've thought about doing bad things throughout my life. Who hasn't, though?

Wanted to break:

--Before I got married, I wanted to date an older, married man just to see what it was like to have an affair. Would it have been fun? Scary? Would he be good at hiding it, or would he be careless? Never got the chance to find out because I got married, and wouldn't do that now.

--Date a much older man. Again. Can't now, I'm married.

--Try to hook up with a priest. A hot one new to the priesthood. One that would be so hot you'd look at and be sad that he was in that frock. (No offense meant to any Catholics out there.) I no longer have the desire to break that rule. It has to do with being married now and maturing. There's a big difference in 35 now and my 20s when I had that little fantasy. If there is such a place as Hell (which I doubt seriously), I'll probably go there for feeling that way, even if it was a decade ago because I'm not sorry.

--Even though my college days are over and I haven't smoked weed in years, I'd like to do it again and see if I could smoke so much I'd be high for days just to see if I could still do it...yeah, those were the days, man. But I have I child now and will never touch weed again.

All this breaking rules and wanting to break rules just boils down to human nature. It's wanting to eat that  forbidden fruit--a willingness to go against what we know is right just to see what will happen or just to say we did it. It's just a matter of self-control and listening to our moral centers as to whether or not we break those rules.

Secret

I knew that note wasn't for me to read,
but I did anyway,
because it was there, inviting me.
I finally had proof for what you were doing,
but I didn't care. I crumpled it up
and stuck it in my big, ugly purse--
the one I'm keeping my
I'm-gonna-get-away-from-you-someday fund in.
Maybe I'll show it to you later.

I think I'd rather you suffer, though.
I know you don't want to be here,
and I certainly don't want you here.
Believe me, I wish you were dead, but
fortunately for you, murder is a crime.
Besides, you're more miserable alive
and I like watching you squirm.

Dark Children

The earth's dark children, vagabonds
dreaming in the shadows, breathe
melodies of a twilight summer breeze.
They bask in the golden autumn and
dance in dim light, surrounding
themselves with winter's ice,
awaiting the warm spring blooms.

Nervous Woman

It is dusk.  A woman sits alone on a park bench.  The park is empty, at least from her view. She has no idea if anyone is behind her, but refrains from turning around to see. She wants to find out, but by the same token, doesn't care.

She wrings her hands, then decides she needs a cigarette and digs in her purse until she gets hold of a lighter and shakes a cigarette out of the pack.  Grasping both, she puts the cigarette to her lips with trembling hands. She drops the lighter several times and finally gets hold of it with both hands and finally manages to get the cigarette lit.

She leans back on the park bench trying to relax, but to no avail. Instead, she shifts nervously. Her watery, bloodshot eyes continue to examine her front and side views. She no longer has any desire to look behind her. By now, she is paranoid, expecting the horror that only she knows about.